Recently my daughter messaged me and asked me the name of a song from her childhood. It turned out to be a Ron Kenoly song from the 90’s. So, I searched YouTube, found Ron Kenoly and have been enjoying a blast from the past ever since. As I listened, sang, and danced to the incredible worship God spoke to me and asked: “Do you remember when you worshipped and prayed for over an hour at home?” “Do you remember the joy of being in my presence?” “Do you remember sitting with me in your garden for hours talking?”
Well, that stopped me in my tracks. To be honest I’m surprised he didn’t say “Andrea, who are you?” But lovingly, gently, and reassuringly he asked me those questions to remind me of who I am in Him. I am a worshipper. Praise and prayer are part of my DNA. But over the years my ‘unique shape’ (Psalm 139:13-18) has been redefined. It has been deflated and distorted. I should explain that when I pray about my ‘unique shape’, God shows me a picture of a large red balloon (odd, I know!!). He showed me my red balloon has been distorted over the years due to life circumstances and experiences.
I know I’m guilty of getting caught up in family, ministry and just life. I can trade holiness for the hollowness of ‘doing’. Don’t get me wrong, I love serving the kingdom and being busy ‘doing’ but I can easily neglect ‘being’. I’ve never served for ‘man’, I serve out of a heart’s desire to see the Kingdom extended. But in my enthusiasm somewhere along the way I stopped just ‘being’ with my heavenly Father. Those intimate worship and prayer times have lessened.
There is so much treasure in those early days when we were part of the American Church at RAF Heyford and RAF Croughton. We went to worship seminars and concerts together, including Ron Kenoly in Milton Keynes. We encouraged each other to be disciplined and cultivate personal times with Jesus. We demonstrated community and served together. Many of us are still friends.
From such rich beginnings, can you imagine if my epitaph now read, ‘Destroyed by Ministry’? How awful would that be? I can understand how easily that could happen. But my God is greater! He has been with me every day in every circumstance. He has led me through step by step. He extends his grace and has brought me to a place of maturity, wisdom, and deeper faith (Romans 8:28). My red balloon may not quite be back to being fully inflated, but it is full of the desire to see Jesus in our communities. And I want to create a place where his people, wearied by circumstances can receive rest and restoration and find their balloon.
If I’d given up or just did the bare minimum church attendance, I would have been doing myself and my God a great disservice. I wouldn’t have been through the refiner’s fire. I would have missed an amazing adventure which has taken me to unexpected places. I’d have missed out on those wonderful people who have loved and embraced me. Now though, I am re-digging the wells of ‘being’ as well as ‘doing’ (Genesis 26:18). I’m refilling my balloon. Finally, I challenge you to listen to the song ‘Mourning into Dancing’ by Ron Kenoly and not dance around your living room. Go on, listen HERE, it may be just what you need to find your balloon!!!
Featured photo by Maxim Kotov on Unsplash
"Live to Serve" 